Please document all workplace incidents, emotional breakdowns, dispatch disasters, and musically traumatic events using the approved reporting system below.
INCIDENTS FILED TODAY
4,287
Most involve Scheduling.
AVERAGE RESPONSE TIME
6-8 YEARS
Pending management review.
HR INVOLVEMENT
UNFORTUNATE
Please remain calm.
NOTICE:
Incident reports may be used for:
• Song inspiration
• Emotional processing
• Mandatory annual education modules
• Future disciplinary action
• Comedy against your will