SYSTEM UPDATE — SOCIAL MEDIA EXPANSION

Posted by Synthetic Medic • Department of Public Relations & Emotional Damage

Staff and visitors are advised to remain alert for additional official Synthetic Medic social media accounts appearing across various platforms in the near future. Administration has reluctantly approved expansion efforts after determining “the internet is apparently important now.”

RECORDS DEPARTMENT DELAY NOTICE

Posted by Synthetic Medic • Information Technology Division

Lyrics are currently being added to all active patient files within the Records Department. Estimated completion time remains unknown as Information Technology has temporarily been reassigned to assist with a bariatric lift assist following today's critical staffing shortages.

INTERNAL OPERATIONS BULLETIN

Posted by Synthetic Medic • Department of Administrative Panic

S.M.M.C. would like to thank all personnel for another successful week of unsupported operations, emotionally unstable scheduling practices, and highly questionable decision making. Morale remains under observation.