Synthetic Medic · Song lyrics

Uber Expensive Uber

Genre: 60’s Rock
Released: April 4, 2026
Length: 5:21

The words

Lyrics

Intro

Way down in Atlantic City now Greyhound ridin’, no complainin’ But the second I saw that hospital Lord, I needed assistance

Verse 1

Rode that bus all the way from Tennessee Back stiff but it didn’t bother me Six state lines and a lukewarm Coke Didn’t say a word, didn’t even joke Lady said, Sir, you feel alright I said yes ma’am, I’m doin’ just fine tonight But we pulled in slow, I saw that glow, Red letters sayin’ “EMERGENCY”, below

Pre-Chorus

Driver said, last stop, end of the line I stood up straight with a little more pride But across that street, oh what a view I felt a little pressure I never knew

Chorus

Uber expensive Uber, don’t you make me walk I been ridin’ all day, now I can’t even talk Call 9-1-1, yeah I need that ride Take me cross the street, don’t leave my side Uber expensive Uber, lights flash bright Cost more than that bus I rode all night Could’ve took a cab, yeah I knew I should But this ride here’s lookin’ medically good

Verse 2

Stepped off the bus, hit the curb just right Looked at that sign shinin’ in the night Felt that ache I ain’t never had Well… maybe once—but it weren’t that bad Pulled my phone from my pocket slow Dialed three numbers like a pro Yeah I need a unit, don’t delay I been hurtin’ now for… several days

Pre-Chorus

Dispatch said, sir where you at I said right by the sign, can’t miss that She said how long’s this been goin’ on I said well… since before the bus came along

Chorus 2

Uber expensive Uber, don’t make me try I ain’t walkin’ now, I might just die Call 9-1-1, bring the flashing lights I survived that bus but not these nights Uber expensive Uber, here they come Sirens singin’ like a bass drum Could’ve hailed a cab for a couple bucks But I got me a stretcher and some cardiac trucks

Bridge

Medic said, sir you rode all day Now you say your chest just gave away I said son, that bus was mighty tough But this sidewalk here’s a little too rough Looked at that stretcher, clean and sweet Ain’t no way I’m walkin’ across that street

Chorus 3

Uber expensive Uber, hear that siren cry Didn’t need it then, but I need it now From Tennessee to the ER gate Took me all day but I still ain’t late Uber expensive Uber, roll me through Front door service like I always knew If you see that sign when your ride is done Call 9-1-1 and hitch that one

Outro

Rolled me ten feet, wheels still warm Said you’re stable, sir… no cause for alarm I tipped my hat with a crooked grin Said next time… I think I'm flyin’ in

About this song

“Uber Expensive Uber” is a nod to my friends working EMS in the more urban parts of our system.

Specifically, the kind of place where the hospital happens to sit suspiciously close to the end of a bus route.

You've been riding all day.

Maybe you've crossed a few state lines.

You survived the bus.

You survived the seats.

You survived the rest stops.

Everything was going reasonably well.

Then the bus pulls into its final stop.

And across the street, glowing beautifully in the distance, are the hospital lights.

Suddenly they look like the Promised Land.

And wouldn't you know it?

That medical problem that's apparently been hanging around for a while suddenly requires an ambulance.

To take you across the street.

The joke isn't that the complaint couldn't be legitimate.

Chest pain is chest pain.

If somebody calls 911, we're going to evaluate them and treat the situation appropriately.

The joke is the uniquely EMS experience of occasionally realizing that a fully equipped ambulance has somehow become the world's most medically sophisticated taxi.

There were cheaper transportation options.

There were considerably less dramatic transportation options.

Depending on where you're standing, there may have even been a crosswalk.

But none of those come with a stretcher, flashing lights and a cardiac monitor.

So this one goes out to the crews working the bus stations, train stations and city streets where public transportation occasionally transfers directly into emergency medical transportation.

We'll take you to the hospital.

But this is one hell of an expensive Uber.

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