APPROVED

I hit the floor in aisle three Right between the beans and tea You roll up, ask politely Any history we should know? Never sick a single day Fit as hell, I proudly say Totally fine in every way Then my backpack starts to glow (uh oh) I got no medical history (yeah, I’m clean, I’m clean!) Just a couple lil’ scripts that they gave to me It’s a short short list Don’t worry at all Just gimme a sec while I read ‘em all “Um, there’s omeprazole for the burn Sertraline so my brain takes turns Inhaler when my lungs just churn And eye drops so my contacts fit Beta-blocker for my heart Stool softener, that’s the art Multivitamins by the cart And gummies that say calm your… stuff I got no medical history (healthy as a freakin’ tree!) Just a couple lil’ pills that they gave to me It’s a short short list Don’t worry at all Just gimme a sec while I read ‘em all Metformin for my sugar swings Something tiny for my anxious things Weird cream for the rash that stings But otherwise I’m great I swear! Melatonin when I can’t sleep Fiber so my insides keep Three sprays of something up my beak And gummies shaped like tiny bears (they’re cute!) I got no medical history (look at me, I’m peak physique!) Just a suitcase full of stuff that they gave to me It’s a short, short list Don’t panic at all You might need a pen This could take all call You ask, Allergies? I grin, one thing Paramedics, yeah and phone calls that ring My chart’s blank clean My pockets spill I’m perfectly fine I just live on pills

This chart was electronically reviewed by Synthetic Medic Medical Center. Accuracy may vary depending on staffing, caffeine levels, and whether anyone actually read the note.