APPROVED

Gather close and hear the story Of a legend still alive Failed every simulation Yet somehow still survived Missed the obvious diagnosis Lost the stretcher twice a week Asked if twelve leads needed batteries And somehow kept his seat The preceptors all tried The supervisors too Yet every remediation Somehow simply floated through He's the Orientation Miracle The legend still survives Defying every standard By which a medic qualifies No one knows the secret No one knows the trick Yet somehow every year he grows More powerful than this He once called for medical control To ask what "dead" should mean Misplaced three oxygen cylinders That he swore he'd never seen His narratives are ancient riddles His assessments mostly vibes Yet every monthly evaluation Says he's doing just fine The QA team investigates Coworkers start to talk But every time they look his way The paperwork just walks He's the Orientation Miracle The mystery remains Every system tried to stop him Yet he slips through every chain No one knows the secret No one knows the trick Yet somehow every year he grows More powerful than this Some say he was chosen By the EMS gods Some say administration Simply never looked that hard Some say deep within the office Locked away from human sight There's a form that says "Good enough" Signed late one Friday night I don't need protocols I don't need your charts I passed orientation Using confidence and heart! He's the Orientation Miracle The prophecy fulfilled Every crew that works beside him Ends up mentally unwell No one knows the secret No one knows the trick But somehow now he's training people And that's what makes us sick And if you listen closely On a quiet summer night You'll hear a preceptor softly weeping Under fluorescent lights...

This chart was electronically reviewed by Synthetic Medic Medical Center. Accuracy may vary depending on staffing, caffeine levels, and whether anyone actually read the note.