Synthetic Medic · Song lyrics

The Five Mile Turnaround

Genre: Swing
Released: September 4, 2026
Length: 6:08

The words

Lyrics

Intro

Ba-da-bah, ba-da-bah Ba-da-bah-bah-bah

Verse 1

We were running call to call On an ordinary day When the other medic caught a job In a little town beside the bay They checked the heart and checked the head And sent the ambulance away Five minutes later, the patient seized And guess who got invited to play

Pre-Chorus

They might have gone Straight to the place With doctors, beds and gowns But why select the hospital When there’s a lovely turnaround

Chorus

Meet me at the five mile turnaround Where the lights are flashing And the luck is upside down There’s a patient in the ambulance Waiting just behind the door And before this day is over There’ll be room for something more When fate requires entertainment And no circus is in town She sends me out in uniform To the five-mile turnaround

Verse 2

We stepped inside to reassess The circumstances had evolved What first appeared a simple faint Was now a puzzle to be solved I checked the pulse and asked the questions Everything was going grand Then a sudden crash behind me Put percussion in the band A driver saw the warning lights And stopped with great conviction The driver traveling close behind Supplied the evening’s next collision No one hurt, just bumpers bent So all was safe and sound Except tranquility had left us At the five-mile turnaround

Chorus 2

Meet me at the five mile turnaround Where the lights are flashing And the luck is upside down There’s a seizure in the ambulance A fender in the road And a gentleman approaching us About to quite explode When fate begins arranging things She never fools around She saves her finest work for me At the five-mile turnaround

Verse 3

Now nobody was injured But the gentleman was irate With a camera like a newsman And a license from another state He filmed the truck, he filmed the crew He documented every light Then explained the parked ambulance Had made him stop with all his might My partner took the patient And continued into town While I remained to greet the law At the five-mile turnaround

Bridge 1

If the first crew stayed If the next crew rolled If a driver used his brakes The way the manual foretold If the car behind had left Another foot or two of space I might be at the hospital With coffee in my face But providence has timing And a wicked sense of fun She lined up every domino And dropped them one by one

Bridge 2

The fainting The triage The seizure The wait The flashing The braking The tourist Irate The ambulance departed The camera came around And who remained behind at the five mile turnaround

Chorus 3

Meet me at the five mile turnaround Where the patient and my partner Are no longer to be found There’s a stranger making movies There’s a fire crew taking blame There’s a medic on the shoulder Who regrets he ever came When all the stars align themselves To kick you while you’re down They shine a little brighter At the five-mile turnaround So strike up the band Let the trumpets resound Raise your glass to every medic Fate has kicked while they were down You can’t make this story up But you can write the whole thing down At the fabulous Impossible Five mile turnaround

About this song

Every EMS system has places that seem completely ordinary until one particular shift convinces you they're cursed.

This was one of those places.

“The Five Mile Turnaround” came from the kind of call where nothing catastrophic happens all at once.

Instead, perfectly believable problems arrive one after another until the entire situation begins to feel statistically impossible.

A routine call changes.

Another crew gets involved.

Everyone converges on a turnaround.

And then fate apparently notices there is still room on the schedule.

So another problem arrives.

Then another.

Before long, what should have been an unremarkable patch of roadway has acquired flashing lights, an additional collision, an increasingly complicated scene and at least one person documenting the festivities.

At that point, the turnaround stops being a location.

It becomes a character.

A tiny Bermuda Triangle where completely unrelated problems somehow arrive at exactly the right moment to make everything slightly more ridiculous.

The only appropriate way to document that level of escalating nonsense was with a swinging horn section and the confidence of a lounge singer who has completely accepted that the universe is making fun of him.

Because sometimes EMS doesn't give you a dramatic disaster.

It gives you a sequence of smaller disasters arranged with such exquisite timing that all you can do is admire the craftsmanship.

Fate lined up the dominoes.

One by one, they fell.

And somehow, when everybody else finally left...

one medic was still standing there.

At the fabulous.
Impossible.
Five mile turnaround.

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