QA APPROVED

Crash on the corner Lights spin red and blue Sirens singing, people screaming Then he walks through White coat flapping Chart in his hand Shouting, everybody stay calm I’m the pelvic man He’s checking pulses On the wrong arm twice He’s counting contractions On a bag of ice Paramedic yells Doc, wrong career! He says, I majored in this What are we doing here Pelvic Patroller Out of his lane again Trying to save the day Doesn’t know where to begin He brought a speculum To a fender bender scene Pelvic Patroller Living out the wrong dream (hey!) He’s measuring reflex With a tongue depressor Wrapping bandages Like a Christmas sweater Asking every patient How’s your cycle been While a guy with a sprained wrist Just stares at him He sterilized The ambulance keys Wiped the dashboard Gotta fight disease Backed the stretcher Into a traffic cone Then tried to take vitals On a mobile phone Pelvic Patroller Out of his lane again Trying to save the day Doesn’t know where to begin He’s checking blood pressure On an airbag in the street Pelvic Patroller, two left hands and two left feet (woah) Clear the area He shouts so proud Trips on a cord Takes out half the crowd Paramedic whispers Doc, just breathe He says, call me if a pelvis Ever falls out of a tree (oh yeah) Pelvic Patroller Out of his lane again High on good intentions Low on any real plan He’s paging himself On the radio line Pelvic Patroller Just let the ambulance drive this time Lights fade slowly Scene’s under control He’s handing out pamphlets On pelvic floor goals Paramedic sighs Doc, you tried that’s true Next time, he grins, Make it something I can actually do

This chart was electronically reviewed by Synthetic Medic Medical Center. Accuracy may vary depending on staffing, caffeine levels, and whether anyone actually read the note.