APPROVED

Caller says her tummy hurts Started after lunch Walkin’ round and talking fine Just ate a bit too much But dispatch smells opportunity Those medic tones need love So now we’re digging desperately For something “serious enough” Any pressure Any tightness Any pain up in your jaw She said she ate mozzarella sticks And now she's got some heartburn, y'all I’ve asked you once I’ve asked you twice But I’ll ask a thousand freakin’ times If you’ve got chest pain Trouble breathing Or any serious complaints Leading questions I’ll find those medic tones somehow Turn a paper cut traumatic Before I’m off this headset now Leading questions Everybody gets A.L.S Toe pain turns “Cardiac" If you phrase the questions well “Patient fell while gardening” No injuries to note Standing there embarrassed With some grass stains on his coat Okay but was there any weakness He just tripped over a rake Does he have any confusion Someone please just say chest pain Any numbness, Tingling fingers Palpitations Sense of dread He just wants some help back up Maybe I'll just say he hit his head I’ve asked you once I’ve asked you twice But I’ll ask a thousand freakin’ times If you’ve got chest pain Trouble breathing Or any serious complaints Leading questions I’ll find those medic tones somehow Keep on asking different ways Till something scary tumbles out Leading questions Everybody gets a truck “Feeling weird” becomes a crisis If dispatch pushes hard enough Can you ask if he feels anxious I wanna send medics to you Can you ask about chest pressure I'll keep pushing til you do Medic 8 is losing patience Medic 10's rolling their eyes Dispatch upgraded a cough To quote “he actually might die” Leading questions I’ll find those medic tones somehow Little things become priorities The way dispatch writes it down Leading questions I won't ever give up If the answers don’t fit dispatch I’ll just keep asking stuff

This chart was electronically reviewed by Synthetic Medic Medical Center. Accuracy may vary depending on staffing, caffeine levels, and whether anyone actually read the note.