Synthetic Medic · Song lyrics

Fully Staffed

Genre: Punk Rock
Released: August 14, 2026
Length: 3:12

The words

Lyrics

Intro

Good morning, everyone Because of your dedication, your flexibility and your willingness to do more with less I'm proud to announce We're officially, fully staffed!

Verse 1

Another quarter in the books Take a look at these results Every goal has been achieved Exactly as our board perceived Calls are up, that's good to know Our service continues to grow Lost a medic? That's okay One quick click... it's gone away

Pre-Chorus

Some see problems I see change It's all about A fresh new frame

Chorus

We’re fully staffed No vacancies today Every time somebody quits I take the job away We’re fully staffed That's leadership Can't have open positions If they don't exist

Verse 2

One resigned, that's all it took Tiny change upon the books Closed a truck and saved some pay What a productive fiscal day BLS? We did the math SCT can take that path Everything is right on track Someone pat me on the back

Pre-Chorus

Budget goals They've all been met Best performance The board's seen yet

Chorus 2

We’re fully staffed No hiring today Can't have open positions If you take them all away We’re fully staffed I'm proud to say We're doing more With less each day

Bridge

Response times keep on climbing Crews are running out of steam Every cut looked good on paper Nothing's ever what it seems Another partner's calling out Another medic's had enough Doing more with less each day Finally became too much

Chorus 3

We’re fully staffed Best we've ever been Every resignation Another chance to trim We’re fully staffed Who could ask for more You can't have a staffing shortage When there's no staff anymore

About this song

There are two ways to solve a staffing shortage.

You can hire more people.

Or you can simply stop admitting that the missing positions exist.

Welcome to “Fully Staffed.”

This song is about the strange mathematics that can happen when staffing levels are measured against the positions currently listed on a spreadsheet instead of the people actually needed to operate the service.

Someone leaves.

Instead of filling the opening, the position disappears.

A truck closes.

The budget improves.

The remaining crews absorb the workload.

And suddenly the spreadsheet contains no vacancies.

Congratulations. You're fully staffed.

Of course, deleting an empty position doesn't create another medic.

It doesn't put another ambulance on the road.

It doesn't shorten response times or give exhausted crews another set of hands.

It just makes one particular number look considerably better.

That's where the punk-rock absurdity starts giving way to the actual point of the song.

Every reduction can look perfectly reasonable in isolation.

One position.

One truck.

One more responsibility absorbed somewhere else.

But eventually “doing more with less” runs into a mathematical problem of its own.

At some point, less is simply less.

And that's the joke behind the title.

A spreadsheet can be completely full while the system it represents is stretched painfully thin.

Or, as the final chorus explains the management strategy:

You can't have a staffing shortage
when there's no staff anymore.

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